ragbag:

you are on a first date with an attractive chinese literature doctoral candidate from an accredited university in cambridge. and you, being the tru-playa that you are, are doing everything right. your eyebrows have been waxed at the proper angles. you pop your pinky like the duchess of devonshire while sipping your vin blanc. you order duck a l’orange and not one of the more vulgar options like gorgonzola stuffed pork chops. and most importantly, every word that leaves your duck fat-smeared lips is pronounced perfectly.

because your game is tight, you are invited back to this attractive phd candidate’s apartment and find that your date’s regrettably “wholesome” roommate is away at some conference. it’s time to make your move, but don’t let your pounding libido get in the way of your spotless pronunciation record, less the deal becomes unsealed. for the future benefit of you, and for the future relief of your sex organs, here are the proper ways to pronounce some select sexually-charged words.

aphrodisiac: AF-ruh-DIZ-ee-ak, not AF-ruh-DEE-zee-ak
areola: uh-REE-uh-luh, not AIR-ee-OH-luh
boudoir: BOO-dwahr, not buh-DWAHR
clitoris: KLIT-ur-is, not kli-TOR-is
coitus: KOH-i-tus, not KOY-tus
commingle: kuh-MING-gul, not koh-MING-gul
cowper’s glands: KOO-purz GLANDZ, not KOW-purz GLANDZ
décolletage: DAY-kawl-TAHZH, not DEK-uh-luh-TAHZH
dishabille: dis-uh-BEEL, not DIS-huh-beel
divan: di-VAN, not di-VON

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source: the big book of beastly mispronunciations (1999).
more pronunciation advice here.

10:33 am  •  5 April 2011  •  60 notes